Friday, December 28, 2007


I'm taking a crack at skating tonight at an open skate. I figure if I skate veeeeerrrryyy gingerly and don't try to be a hero, I should be ok. Wish me luck NOT falling on my ass and fucking myself up again. :D

I feel like such a weenie. I'm actually nervous about a goddamned open skate. Yeesh, get over it, Jess.

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Yup. Broken.

Hooray! I apparently did "break the hell out of" my tailbone. At least this happened at the last practice before a short break. Granted, I'm supposed to be staying home for a few days to rest, but that's a bit tough when it's the last week before the holiday break and we have no subs because everyone else is out "sick" and is "recovering" in sunny Bermuda.

It really sucks to actually be injured, but feel too guilty to stay home. What the hell is wrong with me?

Sunday, December 16, 2007

Happy birfday to me.

All in all I had an excellent birthday. I had a great time at my party, I got some excellent gifts, and I ate lots of cake. Thanks to everyone who was able to make it. Hooray!

One birthday present I could really do without, though, was whatever I did to my tailbone during practice. Afterwards it hurt to sit at all, and I spent the night alternating between resting on each hip. When I woke up today I could barely move. I'm definitely seeing the doctor when I can, because I think I really hurt myself.

While I've heard that ice is good for tailbone injuries, I'm going to see if eating large quantities of birthday cake helps.

Saturday, October 20, 2007

Hit and run.

Last night there was a hit and run on Memorial Drive. Some anonymous pig drove up onto the sidewalk and hit a man walking alone at about 2AM. He landed in the middle of the street, breaking god only knows what and losing consciousness. The driver sped off, and Steve and I were the first people to find him.

We were driving through the rain, talking about our night, and everything seemed fine. Then I saw a large lump in the street, and asked Steve "what is that?" He had noticed it too, and he said "it's a person."

Steve stopped the car, and his tail lights illuminated the man's body so people would be able to see him. I called 911 and Steve rushed to see if he was conscious. Two other people who had been driving behing us stopped too, and waited with us until the cops came about a minute later. They shut down Mem drive, and we waited while the ambulance lifted him into a gurney. The side of him that had been on the ground isn't something I'd like to describe or ever see again.

The cop took our statements, and he told us that the man died when they lifted him into the ambulance. Steve and I spent the ride home believing that we had just watched a man die. We went to bed, and I think I fell asleep some time after 4AM.

I woke up to the sound of my phone ringing. My father had heard about the accident on the news, and he wanted us to know that they had resuscitated the man in the ambulance, and that he was in critical condition. I was so relieved that I decided to give practice a shot after all. After calling around, I got a ride from Pussy, and was set to hopefully pass my last assessments and have a pretty great day.

However, when recounting the details of last night to Trixie, I remembered something I had forgotten from the beginning of the whole mess: I noticed the guy in the street because I saw at least three cars drive around him and leave him there. I went from zero to crying with rage in about five minutes, and after talking to Dash and Xena, I ended up sobbing like a baby in the bathroom until Steve could come and pick me up.

I have no clue why it took me until just before warmups, but it was like I hadn't gotten a chance to really think about what happened until that exact moment. It was like I was only just seeing what happened right then. I feel like SUCH A DRAMA QUEEN even typing that, and I feel like the biggest drama queen in the world for going to practice and freaking out like that. A much smarter person would have had the sense to stay home. I really should have. I don't know what I was thinking. I'm so embarassed that everyone saw me like that, but oh well. I spent most of practice sitting on the floor trying not to cry, and when I finally managed it I got up on the bleachers long enough to see the girls play blood and thunder. I was mortified, but glad I was going home.

Steve, Mike, and Terry came and got me, and I lost it all over again. I'm home now, and feeling better, but I'm very, very tired. I just don't understand how someone could drive up onto the sidewalk and hit someone and then just drive away. I suppose he or she was drunk, or not paying attention, or asleep, or driving too quickly. That person is beyond contempt, and that's not what has me so angry. I just keep losing it over the people who drove right past this totally helpless man lying in the middle of Memorial Drive. They had to go into the opposite lane to avoid him. They had to see that there was a PERSON lying on the ground and decide not to help. That is the most disgusting thing I've ever seen with my own eyes.

I don't know if we'll be able to find out if he survived it or not. I really want to. I just hope that the person who hit him is never ok. I hope the people who passed him do the right thing next time. I hope I never have to see anything like that again.

Sunday, October 7, 2007

Note to self: don’t bite off more than you can chew.

Yesterday's first practice was great - while I was exhausted by the end, I still felt up to staying late for the freshmeat only practice afterwards. While I knew I had a lot to learn about contact, I still wanted to give it my best shot in the hopes that I would catch up quickly. That was before Chickie Cutlette found me passed out by a garbage can halfway to the bathroom.

Yup, after having to skate off the rink once to dry heave and then hyperventillate over the toilet, I tried to go back to skating. Big mistake - I still wanted to barf. I got as far as the trash can near the bathroom door, saw black spots and heard a whistling noise, and the next thing I knew Chickie was handing me a damp, cold towel while the left side of my head throbbed.

I regret focusing so much on strength training and so little on cardio at the gym over the past year. I need to get into better shape. Thankfully this isn't permanent - the more I skate the easier skating will get. However, it was still embarassing to pass out - I haven't done that since I had mono.

Since I don't drink, I've had a deficit of "... and I woke up wrapped around a trash can" stories. At least this gives me one.

Sunday, September 30, 2007

I passed!

I mentioned this in a bulletin (yes, it warranted a bulletin) but I finally passed my level 1 skills assessment! It's taken me many tries, but speed has been my achilies heel for some time and I am beyond proud that I've managed to work past that HUGE problem.

One of my biggest problems was that I took ridiculously sharp turns when doing crossovers. I could do great doughnuts, but circles bigger than, say, a VW bug have always been impossible for me. Because of that, I coasted for at least half of every turn, and that slowed me down tremendously.

I spent some time lamenting this fact in the car on the way to practice, and Xena larter noted that I wasn't pushing off with my outside leg.... at all. I guess I took the whole "pull under" thing too seriously. After fixing that I could finally control how deep my turns were. This shaved six seconds off of my "five laps in a minute" time, and I finally made it!

When I heard Kitty say that I'd passed, I completely flipped out. I was so happy that I screamed and got al teary-eyed. I saved bursting into tears for the ride home, but it was REALLY hard to hold it in until then. I'm so glad that I managed to keep control of myself until we got in the car, because if I had been sobbing during the pushing drill that took place after the assessment I wouldn't have been able to see where I was going.

I haven't been that happy since I found out I was picked to be a dame in the first place. I completely love this sport beyond all reason. The fitness, the new friends, and the ridiculously exhausting fun that has been derby so far are all great reasons to be a part of BDD, but by far the best is the fact that I'm doing things I never, ever thought were in me.

Even on the days that I really screw the pooch at practice, I'm still so proud of myself. I'm proud that I made the cut. I'm proud that I'm learning new skills that are extremely hard for me to develop. I'm proud that I've made so much progress since I first started. I'm proud to have lost my gut and my weirdly rectangular bum. I'm proud to be a part of such an incredible group of smart, strong, dedicated, amazing women. I'm proud that I go home every night after practice with a shit-eating grin on my face.

GOD I love derby. I am such a dork for this sport that I'm amazed that any of you can stand to be around me now that I can't shut up about it.

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

I stubbed my hoo.

Tonight I took a skate to the anus, the box, and then I almost threw up. Stubbed vagina and sparkly tadpoles everywhere I looked aside, I actually had a great time. I always have a great time at practice - it's exhausting, taxing, and harder than anything else I've ever done in my life. I am definitely pretty terrible, but I'm getting so much better.

Time for bed. I hope I have skaing dreams again.

Monday, September 3, 2007


Today I had a lovely time skating with Rachel and Ali up in NH, up until their friend Mike broke his leg. Poor guy - I hope he heals up quickly and inexpensively!

I also realized that I do better when semi-distracted. When I'm concentrating and focusing like crazy on whatever we're doing, I waaaaay overthink things and screw up royally. However, when I was explaining things and cracking jokes, I was completely fine.

I failed crossovers during my assessment because I wasn't pushing off with both feet. I did them perfectly today, and I could do them on command (so I know this wasn't a fluke). I also did a few decent 180 degree single knee falls, which have been the bane of my goddamned existance for some time.

The most significant thing for me today was this: Rachel asked me to show her what single-knee falls looked like, and I said that I could show her only on one leg because of my tendonitis. I showed her a bunch of times, getting up fairly easily each time. As I was explaining how to position my feet, I suddenly realized that I had been using the wrong leg the whole time! I wanted to do a backflip I was so happy. I hope this means I can do them in practice - granted, I need to check with my doctor first, but this gives me a lot of hope.

I really want to find a way to go and do that again. I really liked skating with them, and I'd love to skate with the other girls who are trying to start the league. I need all the practice I can get, and this was such a nice way to spend my last day off before school starts.

Friday, August 17, 2007

Stupid headache.

My head hurts. However, I'm excited about P-town. I wonder if Commercial street is actually as flat as it seems... I'd really love to spend as much of this week on my skates as possible, seeing as I'm missing three practices. :/

I'm really bummed about that. I loved Wedesday's practice, and I felt like I was doing a pretty decent job up until I ran out of steam for hell. Funny how hell was the thing I was most confident about until I learned that my form was all wrong. I'll get there with more practice (and more PT for my damned knee). I just hope that missing three practices won't put me too far behind.

Even though I need a lot of work, I always forget that I'm getting better until I go to a practice where it's mostly new girls. I'm so glad I had a chance to be at practice while the Massacre was in Ohio - it reminded me that I'm improving. I always forget that there are so few new girls compared to the number of vets until nearly all of the vets are gone.

I can't wait to be a really good skater. I'm so glad that all this practice time is helping me as much as it is. I love the fact that I'm learning a new skill, and that it's so much hard work. I love leaving practice hungry and tired, and I love waking up sore in the morning. I suppose this is what the vets mean when they talk about being new and full of energy, so I plan to ride this for as long as I can.

I must sound like a total nut, what with liking the whole pain and soreness aspect of derby... I wonder if contact will give me the same "good pain" feeling or if it will kick my ass in a bad way. I'll find that out soon enough, I suppose.

I guess I just haven't done something quite this hard before, and I'm amazed at how much it's making me change for the better.

Monday, August 13, 2007

I’m official!

My derby name was accepted! I can now find excuses to write "Dreadnought" on everything I own.

Oh my GOD I'm so excited. For some reason this just made me feel like an actual derby dame rather than a hanger-on with a bum knee.

Friday, July 27, 2007

Knee frustrations.

My knee is still sore, and this really bugs me. It still crunches, but I agree with my PT - something about it seems better than it was. We're apparently going to really "step it up" during PT next week, and "wail on it" to build strength in my quads. Seeing as I am a weirdo and I love this kind of thing, I'm looking forward to it. I just want to get better so I can become a better skater, pass my skills assessment, get my skater name, and start learning contact.

Until then, I'll be skating casually at open skates to build up my leg muscles, and taking it as easy as I can stand to during practices. From what I'm told, tendinitis (that spelling seems so wrong) seems like a "nagging, annoying condition", but it can get really bad if I ignore it and try to work through the pain. This reminds me so strongly of mono - I'd have periods where I felt *fine*, but could in fact rupture my spleen if I did anything remotely physical. While I don't feel fine, I feel better, but I can't overdo it like I want to. Dammit.

Argh. I wish I had a ray gun with which I could just zap away the pain.

Wednesday, July 11, 2007


We did some off skates blocking tonight. I could do that all day and all night and feel totally satisfied. GOD I like smashing into people. I'm really, really looking forward to being solid enough on eight wheels (and passing the necessary skills assessments after MASSIVE amounts of practice on my own) to be able to do that on skates.

I really think I'm sick in the head. I can't even begin to describe how much I liked that. The more I bashed into people (and even when I was bashed into by much bigger girls) the happier I got. It was like a weird little light turned on inside me.

Holy crap, do I have problems.

Sunday, June 10, 2007

Derby tryouts today - wish me luck

Tryouts are tonight, and my body picked the PERFECT time to get a really bad flu. I was out Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday, and I spent almost the whole time sleeping and willing myself to get better. I'm still feeling very shaky and weak, and this upsets me. Steve is, naturally, insisting I not think like this because talking about it will make me give into it, and he's right. Still, I just wanted to write it down to see if I could get it out of my brain.

What I should be doing is thinking about how much time I spend at the gym, how I've been skating since I was a little kid, and how big and strong I am. After all the working out I've done over the past year, I can finally agree that yes, I am really strong. Hopefully the curls and the crunches and the squats and the cardio will help take care of the sniffles and the coughs and the aches and the pains. That, and I have decent skates with great wheels and excellent bearings. Hopefully these things will win out. Barring that, there's always next year.