End of the year derby musings

After filling out a livejournal (yes I still have one of those) meme about end-of-year reflections, I realized that most of them were derby related. I opted to refine them a bit and put them into three categories:

Triumphs:

1. Managing to finally pull off a decent attempt at a Sláy Ride. Granted, I didn't carry any of these people around in the impossibly awesome way that Beyonsláy did in that famous clip, but I did the basics of "hit, lift, drop" that had me going over the bout footage again and again in my parents' kitchen saying "look what I did, mom!"

2. Finally bouting after a whole year of waiting. I'll never forget that first bout for as long as I live. I've become a much better skater since then, but being able to put on a uniform and skate in front of my parents for the first time was such a milestone.

3. Not tearing my ACL after all. Man, that was a horrible week. I've never been more grateful for a visit to a specialist in my entire life. Thanks Dr. Troy for yanking and pulling on my leg and then letting me know that I was "going to be just fine."

4. Getting "Nuts' Best Team Player" at the awards ceremony this season. We voted on a few awards, and this was one of them. I never, ever saw that coming. Getting something people voted on almost made me lose it. For once, I was able to not sob like a goofball while doing something relating to my team, and I held it together while accepting it. I totally cried in the bathroom when I got home, though.

Regrets:

1. Wussing out at Speedy Dan practice. When I was overwhelmed by balancing off-skates tasks, I allowed myself to use that as an excuse to punk out on going to Speedy Dan practice and never got over my anxiety attacks. In retrospect, I wish I'd just sucked it up, cried through those speed drills, and eventually overcome my problems instead of letting the demons in my brain win.

2. Being down on myself more often than I probably deserved. More than one person has told me that I need to stop "looking at the ground" metaphorically speaking because I'll "just run into things." Sometimes I forget that I need to focus on the good things I do rather than on only the bad.

3. Never getting up the balls to try pivoting. Why does that role freak me out so much?

Hopes for next year:

1. I want to finally overcome my mental "speed barrier." When I'm playing a bout, speed is no problem. When I'm doing a drill and it involves racing, I'm screwed. I want to get over this stupid fear already because it's getting old.

2. I would kill to get an MVP award at a bout. Would I be the goofball who started crying while accepting the award? Oh hell yes, you bet.

3. I know I have it in me to be a better team player on the track. Getting best team player this season meant the world to me, and I want to live up to that as much as I can. The players I respect the most are the ones who can bring out the best in their teammates, and I want to be one of those some day.