I scrimmaged! Holy crap!

I’m elated. You have no idea.

I scrimmaged, and I didn’t fall apart, I didn’t break my neck, I didn’t break anyone else’s neck, and I also did the following:

-had no trouble at all keeping up with the pack. This was my main goal and I accomplished it. Hooray!
-didn’t get one penalty. Granted, I wasn’t terribly aggressive, but still, no penalties!
-I tried every blocking position and did something successful in each one, even if it was a small success.
-I had a great moment when my brain made my body go in for a hit before I said to myself "there is the jammer, I should hit her now". Granted, I missed, but it was like that first moment in Spanish class when I thought "mantequilla" instead of "butter in Spanish is... mantequilla". Does that make sense?

Plus, I can’t even say how much it meant to me when people told me I didwellafterwards. I was in tears by the time we started stretching because I was so happy. I feel like such a sap, but I freely admit that I totally burst into crazy "I’m so happy" sobs when I got home and told Steve all about it. It just feels sogoodto finally be able to play.

Must... find... silver... lining....

Weak people give up. I am not a weak person, therefore I will take pleasure in the following positive aspects of not being able to skate right now:

1. I can spend more time working out my arms, which have gone all small and wussy since trading weight-lifting time for roller derby time.
2. I can go to scrimmages and watch so I can keep learning. Being more of a visual learner than a kinesthetic learner, this will only help me in the long run.
3. Favoring my left leg for a while will help it get stronger, and since that's the one that gets tired all the time (yay skating counter-clockwise!), this is helpful anyway.
4. Since breaking my tailbone, I never expected to bout this season anyway, so only missing out on scrimmages right now. These take place every weekend, so there will be plenty more waiting for me when I get better again.

So while I feel like I'm trying to stand up in pounding surf (being knocked down by wave, after wave, after wave just as I get to my feet), I'll get to my goddamned feet if I keep at it. I figure I'll just have really strong quads after getting up from falling down so many times.

"You've got to find the person holding the voodoo doll, really." - Mrs. Dash

Tonight's scrimmage was filled with both good and bad things. The good:

1. I hit the opposing jammer a few times. I also made the attempt a few more times, but missed. This is a vast improvement on last week's scrimmage where I only tried to hit someone once. Hooray!
2. I booty blocked members of the opposing team a few times. I didn't hold them for very long, but I consciously said "get in her way!" and did so. HUGE improvement over last week, when I know I had the opposing jammer behind me, but didn't do much about it. Hooray again!
3. We only had nine people on our team, so I skated in about half of the jams. It was exhausting as hell, but it was great to have so many chances to improve on the jam before. Triple hooray!

The bad:

1. I gave the single worst whip of my life that resulted in both my left arm and my team's jammer getting sandwiched in between roughly half of the opposing team. That was pretty cringe-worthy, and it hurt like a bitch.
2. I took my first trip to the box. However, that's not too bad, because it means I was playing more aggressively. I suppose this could fall under "good" too...
3. I took a fall during which my legstriedto do the right thing (fall on my knees) but I slipped on something and my right leg went in two directions at once. Something popped in my knee. I don't know how bad it is, but I couldn't really walk well on it. Yes, I will be going to the doctor tomorrow.

So, while I'm proud of what I did, I'm really concerned about my knee. I know that the "pop" I felt was serious - I've sprained my ankle enough times to know a sprain when I feel one. I wouldn't be half so concerned if this were an isolated incident.... this is the knee with really bad tendonitis. Since coming back from breaking my tailbone, it's been grinding really badly, and over the past three weeks it's felt "loose". I'm really worried that this was coming, with or without the fall.

I just hope I'll be off skates for, say, a few weeks to a month or two. I think it's a possibility that I'm looking at more time than that, and I'll be so upset if that's the case....

Dash was right. I really do need to find (and take out) the person holding the little Dread voodoo doll before he or she does me some serious damage. I just want to play roller derby, godammit. I'll wait as long as I have to, but this injury crap is really starting to piss me off.

In summation, this is how I feel today, with God/Zeus/Odin/whatever as the pidgeon and the sad little boy as me:

Doing ok.

Practice was fun tonight, and there were some very silly moments that were especially excellent. I like it when coaches joke around, or when I can get in a conversation about farts with Ms. Dash, or when Speedy Dan reacts well to me giving him the finger during a tough drill.

However, I’m psyched about the three newly-teamed skaters. Congrats Xena, Pitts, and Bully! Three down, three to go.

In the spirit of my last post...

That last post really made me feel great. I’m going to do it again.

Tonight I went to visit the Skate Free or Die girls for their Thursday night practice, and I felt great about the following things, again, in reverse order:

1. I gave a few good whips.
2. I managed to stay on my feet when I suddenly found myself skating one-legged after dodging a fallen skater. I also didn’t smack Doom in the face when I had to use my right arm for balance.
3. I finally really get the art of looking over only one shoulder when booty blocking. The idea that "when you can’t see her, you know to move that way" never clicked before and I tended to rely more on really good guesses.
4. When I did fall down, I landed immediately on both knees, rockstar style. I had no idea I was even doing it, but my body just took over. Hooray for muscle memory!!!

Oh, and I suppose I could add doing this practice after Speedy Dan, which was pretty exhausting. Here’s to my quads for refusing to give up.

20... lower... faster.... 19... lower... faster...

In an effort to stop being such a mopey-pants, I’m going to list some things that I did during practice that I’m proud of:

1. After not being able to figure out how to do the "crack on thigh with whip" drill for a few weeks, I have a fairly passable one for the first time ever. Yay!

2. I made it through three rounds of Speedy Dan "20 laps super-fast OMGOMOMG FASTER!!!" training without passing out, vomiting, or stabbing him in both eyes.*

3. I managed a few bursts of speed at times when I was so tired I thought I was going to die (or at least crap my pants a little).

These are in order from smallest to largest victory. 3 is a huge deal for me, and I can go to bed feeling really good about myself. Even though my poor coccyx was on FIRE through the whole thing I didn’t stop, and I even skated harder than I thought I could when I felt my absolute worst.

Even though I’m in pain, I feel good inside. That’s the best feeling ever.

* Don’t get me wrong. I love the guy when I’m not skating in his drills, and after his drills I’m grateful for the training. During the drills though, I want to stab him and stab him and stab him forever.

Rollerskating in ye olden days.