Angry Robot Roller Derby

New skates = sore bum

2010-12-23T07:38:00.000-08:00

I got birthday skates this year. This was a very well-informed, extremely needed gift from my folks and I'm thrilled. They gathered intelligence using my husband and my friend and league-mate Dee, who owns Bruised Boutique, and got me EXACTLY what I wanted. I now have Riedell 965 boots mounted on XK4 DA45 plates (short/forward mount). I can't even begin to say how touched and grateful I am that they did that.

After skating on a slightly larger plate mounted all the way back on my skate for so long, I felt like I was re-learning some basic skating habits last night. At least once it became apparent that my "hanging out and listening between drills" body posture will have to change - I kept tipping backwards and fell on my bum at least once. Thank goodness I remembered my butt pads this time.

The plates are nicely maneuverable and snappy. I'm sure the shorter plate helps, and man, these 45 degree trucks are excellent. I always loosened my trucks as far as they would go before the wheels hit the boot, and even fully tightened these are looser than my old ones. I'll probably experiment with softer cushions to see how far I can push this, because I love wiggly skates.

I'm pleasantly surprised at how easy these are on my feet given their newness. I hope this comfort lasts - I'm always suspicious of insta-comfort boots and their long-term fit. However, my friends who wear these boots have all said that they don't stretch like crazy, and the padding inside doesn't smoosh and flatten out, leaving too much space. Fingers crossed.

Nom nom nom - birfday!

2010-12-10T10:30:00.000-08:00

It's almost that time again. I'm looking forward to once again stretching out my birthday fun into a week-long excuse to eat cupcakes for every meal while I simultaneously demand to be fed freshly made popcorn "because it are mah birfday." I am also allowed to use run on sentences when my week-long birthday festival is being celebrated. You can't tell me what to do, and you are not the boss of me.

I'm like a giant eight-year-old about my birthday. I will never grow out of this.

Because it are my birfday on the 15th, this means I'll be missing practice to celebrate it with my family. I'm working on my birthday present to myself: not feeling EXTREMELY GUILTY about missing a practice and therefore not watching the freshies work on their pack skating. Normal people don't freak out about things like this. However, I'm sure I've long since established that I'm not normal.

They're learning so much and doing it so quickly that I feel like I'll miss major changes if I so much as blink. I felt like I missed a whole universe's worth of practices when I was away at Nationals. In reality, I only missed one, but when I got back it felt like I'd missed ALL THE PRACTICES. So much had happened over that weekend that I found myself wondering who these strangers were that replaced the freshies I was used to. I don't want to miss the practice where Jane Q. Freshie has a major breakthrough, or Samantha X. Newbie discovers she's a natural at blocking. I think it's because the competition is so fierce this year and the freshies are SO GOOD. The level of skill is off the metaphorical chain.

My friends and family keep reminding me that it's ok to pencil in some "me" time once in a while so I don't go crazy, buy a rifle, and start picking off babies from a bell tower. I forget sometimes that taking care of oneself is a priority because it's necessary. I should get the airplane safety manual illustration on the right tattooed on my forearm so I remember to put on my mask first. If I'm unconscious, how can I help the little kid next to me with the bowl cut?

History

2010-11-30T18:20:00.000-08:00

Someone called me a "super vet" today. I forget that age in derby is like age for a computer - 4 years is actually kind of old.

I wasn't around when the league was founded - I joined after the first bouting season ended. I feel like a babe in the woods, but at this point there are more skaters on the teams these days who started after me than there are who started before me. When did I get to the middle of the pile?

This year, I've watched skaters who started after me hang up their skates. I'm on the coaching committee now and I'm evaluating the incoming class of skaters. I'm going to be captaining my team this season, and I'm ending a multi-year stint on the executive board. Holy crap. Looking at this, I feel like I've really lived compared to some. Not a bad way to start my 4th year of skating.

What kills me are the little things that are now second nature that I never thought I'd master. I can do turning toe stops without thinking about it. I wish someone had told the freshie "me" that I'd eventually be able to do these while reading a practice plan and thinking about my dog. I was so sure I'd never get to this point. It's kind of neat to be here.

I have become zee proud mama.

2010-09-10T18:23:00.000-07:00

I'm psyched to have been elected one of the co-captains of the Nuts for next season. I love my team and I'm stupid excited about being chosen to take on such an important gig. I'm leaving a number of league jobs I've held for some time, and I'm ready to take on something new.

However, with this comes one major loss: I can't be freshmeat mama anymore. Being a team captain means that I become a coach and I represent my team at the draft. Thus, I'm one of the people responsible for making every round of cuts during freshie training. Since the Mama role is all about shepherding and comforting the freshies through the cuts, the two gigs are mutually exclusive.

Looking ahead to freshie training, I feel a little strange. I'm a Project Runway nerd, so I'll use a PR metaphor. I feel like I've spent two years being Tim Gunn and now I have to become Michael Kors. I used to be the one ushering them towards assessments and watching from the sidelines with my "Go Freshmeat!" sign. I hosted freshie get togethers at my house so I could hang out with the new skaters far away from the stress and sweat of practices. It was an honor to be the official "cheerleader" for team freshmeat. I loved every second of that job and I'll always be grateful that the coaches let me create it.

This season I'll get to coach freshie practices and continue to push them to kick butt during assessments. I'm a teacher to the core, and I'm so excited about being able to run drills and show freshies the skills I've learned from all of the outstanding coaches on the league. That's one of the most exciting aspects of this new turn in the road. I've wanted to do this forever, and I can't wait to start.

However, I'll also have to keep my eye on the freshies who are falling behind. I have to be ready to agree to cut the ones who fall too far. If we'd had cuts when I was a freshie, I'm sure I wouldn't have made it through. It's going to be hard as hell to look for the me's of the group this winter and to tell them and to say "better luck next year."

It's better to leave a job on a high point than to wait until you're burnt out and doing the people you help a disservice. I'm leaving this gig after two memorable, meaningful, and extremely happy years. I'm stepping down when I'm in love with it. Because of this, I'll only take good memories with me.

Next season this job will be in the hands of two great people who will make it their own. Steve pointed out that I'll get to enjoy watching these two wonderful soon-to-be-vets pick up the torch, and that I'll be even more proud to see how they transform the role now that it's their turn. He's right, there's no prouder moment than seeing the people you've watched since they were newbies take on the roles you've passed on to them.

Maybe this will be more like that season of Project Runway where Tim Gunn had to step in and judge the final collections at the last minute. I hope so. I'll always be rooting for the freshies, even as I have to take a turn in the judge's seat.

What do these three images have in common?

2010-09-01T11:48:00.000-07:00

All three photos feature a captain. 2011 is going to be an interesting season.

You're older than you've ever been and now you're getting older.

2010-08-25T20:58:00.000-07:00

I've often heard from older friends and relatives that the older one gets, the more people look to you for the answers. However, this comes at the cost of having fewer and fewer people to whom you can look when you need answers to questions of your own. As the season winds down and people start leaking out their retirement plans, I'm starting to realize that this is exactly why I feel so strange and unsettled right now.

When I was a freshie, I knew I needed to be a sponge, and I acted like one. I listened and practiced and tried to learn everything, and thus had little time to think about anything else. During my first year on the Nuts, I was one of very few new(ish) people on a team of very experienced vets. I spent the season simply doing what I was told, and had the luxury of not having to think at all because I was so surrounded by good advice. By the time this season rolled around I was in the upper-middle experience-range of the members of my team, and I started to feel confident enough with my playing that I could question things and believe in my own ideas. I'm ending the season feeling comfortable enough to offer opinions and advice without feeling like a pushy, sophomoric jerk.

I still have questions, though, and it seems like every day I learn that another of the vets I relied on to answer them won't be around next season. This sounds horribly morbid, but I feel like I'm starting to get old enough to attend the funerals of my friends instead of just mourning my older relatives. The protective layer of "super vets" is getting thinner and thinner by the day and I wonder who will guide and mentor me when I'm feeling scared and small next season.

It's hard to watch one's heroes ride off into the sunset. I guess that line "be your own hero" from Whip It applies like hell here. I've always dreamed of "growing up" to be like a lot of these spectacular women who are poised to become BDD's next group of alumni. I guess my goal for next season is to rebuild myself to fill the spaces that these heroes will leave behind.

Wow. Thanks, world.

2010-08-04T22:18:00.000-07:00

My laptop's hard drive failed and my screen broke. The timing of this is simply stunning.

Ephemera.

2010-08-02T11:04:00.000-07:00

I'm sitting alone in the gallery with the foundation of the quilt exhibit and I'm feeling rather emotional. Some of this happens every time I see the quilt now that such a large section is assembled and hanging. A lot more of this is because of the things I brought into the space today - one bin filled with all the envelopes in which the squares from out of state came, along with a mountain of ephemera dating back to the moment roller derby and I first met. I'd forgotten how much stuff I'd saved over the past three seasons, and all these feelings are cascading out of me in a way that's hard for me to process.

I found the flyer from the first bout I ever attended, when I knew down to my bones that I needed to do this. I found the invoice for my first pair of derby skates. I found the tag from the first BDD shirt that housed my newly approved derby name (back when twoevils only took a week or two to approve the names). I found letters from Mt. Auburn confirming that my right knee's x-ray came back "normal" along with prescriptions for PT and a diagram for a particularly complex knee exercise. I found birthday cards and thank you cards from freshmeat I "mama-ed," and these cards brought me to tears. I found pins and programs and wristbands and stickers from countless bouts.

I feel like I'm digging through a whole life's worth of memories, but it's only been three years since I started. The thing is, derby careers are so terribly short. It's hard on your body and your mind, and I know that we're all burning like candles doused in rocket fuel. We're giving off all of our light RIGHT NOW with such ferocity and there's only so much of us to use up before we burn out and it all ends. We do this sport at the price of our knees and our backs, and for some, our friendships and our marriages.

Today a few of my close friends and favorite skaters in a few different leagues told me that this is their last season. They're leaving because they know that their light is burning out. Reading these messages when I'm literally ankle-deep in piles of derby memories is tough. It reminds me how much I'll miss these people who have helped shape my derby life. It also reminds me that I can't do this forever, and one of these days I'll have to prepare my good-byes too.

My greatest wish is to retire when I want to, not when I have to. My second greatest wish is that I'll want to retire a long, long time from now. I love this sport with a fierceness that I've only felt for my immediate family and my dearest, oldest, truest friends. I love derby more than chocolate and sleeping late. I feel a deep level of affection for it like I do for my dog and cat. One of my favorite MassArt professors phrased it so elegantly: "This is my church, and these are my vestments." At first, it sounded a bit strong to my thoroughly non-religious ears. However, as crazy as it sounds, I've found a very powerful faith through roller derby - faith in myself unlike I've ever had before.

Roller derby might just be a fun, rough game on wheels, but to me it's so much more. Roller derby has made my outside match my inside. Through it I've learned a comfort with myself I've always needed but never knew was missing. It's almost as good as falling in love, and like love, I want to hold onto all of this for as long as I can.

The before time.

2010-08-01T21:46:00.000-07:00

I cracked open my old myspace page and transported all of my derby-related blog posts to this one. For anyone who is curious, go ahead and look back at the newly-made-earlier beginning of this blog to read about my trials and tribulations beginning with derby tryouts.

Oh, the memories... I'll do my livejournal ones ASAP.

Good Skater

2010-07-23T18:38:00.000-07:00

At the end of last season I wrote a bit about my triumphs, regrets, and hopes for the coming year. Among my hopes was a derby fantasy I've held since I started, and one I realized this past Saturday. I got MVP. Holy crap.

Ok, so how do I explain why this is the biggest deal to me in the history of ever...

If you look inside, most of us still see ourselves like we've always been, whatever that image hinges upon. For some, it's the ugly nerd in high school who no one ever wanted to ask out. For others, it's the dumb screw-up kid who teachers always said would amount to nothing. For me, it's the "Bad Skater" who would never be anything special on the track.

You may know someone who has been very obese his or her whole life, but recently lost a ton of weight and is now pretty hot. Hell, you may have had this experience yourself. Either way, you know how the newly-babe-status person still carries him or herself the same way as before the weight loss? Yeah, it's a lot like that.

I was weirdly nervous before the bout, and I don't really remember most of it because I was totally in my own head the whole time. What I do remember is the after party. I was standing in the crowd and I heard my husband call the MVP for the Cosmos (congrats Rocky!). Then he called the MVP for the Nuts, and suddenly everyone was looking at me. ME. In Steve's words, number40KDREADNOUGHT.

There are a lot of rockstar skaters who collect MVP trophies like Fresh Eddie Fresh collects skates. There are some lucky skaters who are so self-aware that they don't need anyone to tell them that they're good at what they do. For those people, MVP is probably a nice bonus after a great bout. They'll smile and accept the award and go on with their evening feeling pretty good, but won't see themselves any differently than they did the day before. It was a really big deal to me, though. Getting MVP was easily the single proudest moment of my derby life.

Why do I care so much? Because it's one of those "Good Skater" marks that I've arbitrarily made in my own head. It's a pair of size eight pants that reminds me to learn to stop carrying myself like I'm still a size twenty-six.

Edited to add: The MVP trophies this season take the form of skate wheels. I skated on mine today and kept thinking about the circumstances under which I got them. It was nice to look down and see them under my feet at the beginning of every jam. Our jam coach came up to me today and told me that this MVP has been a long time coming. That really touched my heart too.

I've been carrying a warm little spark of pride in my heart since last weekend's bout and it feels pretty neat. Ok, not just neat. It feels absolutely wonderful. I'm going to make every effort to fan it into a flame, because this warmth sure beats the cold, dank, little cave I allowed myself to live in for so long.

Psyched up. No wait, I mean PSYCHED THE HELL UP AAAAARRGAHRGGRGHAHHH KILL KILL KILL!!!@!!111!ONE

2010-06-18T11:29:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow we bout the Pissahs. I had some time to kill today and I made this little motivational gif:

I still can't believe that happened directly in front of the camera. I've had other great hits since then, but sadly, none were so well placed in terms of capturing the memory on film. I haven't looked at this footage in some time, but I'm glad I found it now. It's damned great motivation for murdering people tomorrow.

I'm also wearing my "Dread Smash" shirt. I wrote "DIE PISSAHS" on my chest in magic marker. Yes, I sent a photo of that to my team. No, you can't see it. Do you think I'm psyched up? Um, yes. Note the crazyface.

Normally I have trouble getting amped for bouts. I go into them and have a very un-Dread-like, almost hippy-ish "win or lose, it's fun to play" vibe. It's been a major hurdle to get over that, because I think it hurts my game. I've discovered that I need three things to get into "Bloodfeast Island" mode:

1. Music: I have a pre-bout playlist and a bout-day playlist. Once I listen to these I'm about 80% of the way down the road to "the bad place."

2. Superhero movies: I need to watch superheroes kicking ass. I don't know what it is about watching people run up walls and stab each other while their friends are shooting laser eyes and projecting forcefields. It makes me also want to do these things. The X Men movies are my favorite, as I get to pretend I'm Wolverine.

3. Skating in circles while staring at people time: shortly before I play, I skate around and stare at every member of the other team I can find. I'm not doing this as an intimidation thing or to show that I'm crazy-go-nuts ready to kill people or anything. I'm doing it so I stop seeing them as people with feelings. Once I get there, I start seeing them as objects, and then I can break them into tiny, bloody, pulverized pieces in my head. Really, no sane person should think the things I do before a bout. Usually I hit "serial killer" land just about when intros start.

I'm well on the road towards being stupid-psyched up right now. This is about a day earlier than expected. I think this means I'll be foaming at the mouth and punching walls by the time I walk into Shriners tomorrow.

I really hope that my commute home is uneventful. I'd prefer not to spend the night before bout day in jail for biting someone in the face.

Three years

2010-06-15T20:43:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was my three year derby-versary. Yup - this giant war machine is three years old in derby terms. I found myself telling some of my teammates about my first year skating, and how rough it was. I told them about this girl:

The freshie who didn't get teamed for over a year. This is a picture of me getting the only track time I could make for myself - after the bout was over, before they swept up the last of the popcorn. After every bout, I'd skate alone, avoiding beer spills and discarded programs. I'd pretend that there was a crowd cheering for me.

I knew I'd never quit, but sometimes it got so hard that I wished I had it in me to just give up. I couldn't, though. I stuck out every injury, every failed assessment, and every practice where I had to skate around the outside of the track because I couldn't do contact drills like everyone else.

Any time I don't feel up to skating, I remember that girl. Back then, I would have given almost anything to be on the track with the rest of the league. I skate every bout for her.

Happy (belated) birthday, Freshmeat Jessie. You did it, and I'm so proud of you.

Rhino mama

2010-06-14T12:30:00.000-07:00

Lately I've been asked rather frequently about who "Dreadnought" is. The question of "so what's your roller derby character?" tends to leave me a bit speechless because I've never noticed a huge difference between "Jessie" and "Dreadnought" beyond having one on my ID's and the other on my derby shirts.

When I first started, I thought that choosing my own nickname was awesome, and I really wanted to find a persona to go with my derby experience. However, I found I didn't need to do any of that to feel right when hitting opponents, so it never came to pass. I can summon up plenty of aggression, confidence, and I'ma-get-you-ness while riding the bus in the morning or getting a cupcake at the cupcake store. Playing derby hasn't really made me more aggressive at all. It's just made me ready to back up my natural aggression because I practice hitting people with my butt 2-3 nights a week.

Don't get me wrong, derby has changed me forever in more ways than I think I can fully understand right now because I'm so steeped in it. I'm more organized, that's for sure. I'm better at saying "no" to people who make rational arguments. I've learned how large social groups work in terms of changing procedures, rules, and commonly held activities and agreements (AKA "slow and steady wins the race"). I have more integrity. I listen to myself more and make decisions more quickly.

More than anything, I've learned how to take care of people who are having a hard time because I finally know how that feels. Before derby, most of my activities worked well with my natural skills, and I tended to have a fairly easy time because of those choices. Sure, I struggled, but deep down I knew I could do whatever it was because "I'm good at this stuff," and that helped me through the bad times.

Derby was different. I didn't know deep down that I could do this - in fact, I wasn't naturally good at any of this at all. I learned firsthand how it felt to be one of the worst people at [insert skill here] because I usually was. I learned how it felt to lose, fail, be passed over, and have to question whether or not I had it in me to succeed. This taught me more humility, strength, and tricks for positive thinking than I could have learned in a lifetime of doing what came easily. I'm living proof that we grow more through failure than through success, and that hard times build character.

Maybe my derby name isn't about who I become when I take the track. "Dreadnought" is pretty much the same as "Jessie" in that sense - aggressive, pushy, and prone to smashing into people. When I think of my derby name in terms of what I've become because of the track, "Dreadnought" is different than "Jessie." Dreadnought is tough - she knows she can do whatever this is because she's survived worse and become stronger because of it. Dreadnought is hard to push around because she's proud to take up her own space.

I liked Jessie, and I still do. I like what Dreadnought helped Jessie become, though. I wouldn't compare myself to the ugly duckling because I'm definitely no swan. Maybe I was like this little skinny rhino baby, and I'm more like the big, strong rhino mama now.

My favorite part is that I get to be this person wherever I go because I still don't see a difference between the two.

No zombies so far.

2010-06-10T10:48:00.000-07:00

After over a week in the new place, I've noticed the absence of something fairly major: imaginary zombies.

I wake up in the middle of the night at least once or twice every night, usually to use the facilities, or because some weird noise makes me think the world is ending. During the daytime the idea of Dawn of the Dead (the remake) zombies coming to get me when I get up to pee is totally laughable. Zombies? Those aren't real! However, at 3AM, those zombies are definitely real, and they're the fast zombies, and they'll totally outrun me as I thud my way across the apartment trying like hell not to scream for my mommy.

Our old apartment was filled with these imaginary zombies. During the daytime, they took the form of:

• Scarves, hats, and bags hung on coat racks on the back of the bedroom doors.

• The oscillating tower fan with the green lights that TOTALLY look like monster eyes.

• The closet with the floor-to-ceiling mirrors that reflected the traffic lights on the busy street nearby.

• Countless objects that become utterly terrifying in the darkness, as illustrated on the right. Why do I buy this stuff?

Also, the bathroom was clean across the apartment from where we slept. For years, I ran to and from the bathroom in the wee hours because I was convinced that zombies would get me. Logic, common sense, reason, and street smarts couldn't save me. At night, the imaginary zombies had free reign.

Our new place, however, seems to have been treated with imaginary-zombie-begone. We have ample storage, allowing us to leave our scarves in closets and other scarf-appropriate locations. The tower fan stands out against the light walls enough that I can tell it's a fan and not a monster who is trying to decide which end of me to eat first. There are no huge mirrors, and we don't face the street. Lastly, the bathroom is three carpeted steps away from the bed. Suck it, zombies.

So far I feel safe in this new place, and I've slept better because of it. So has my husband, because he doesn't wake up to OMG ZOMBIES [thud thud thud SMASH thud thud thud] as I run to and from the bed, crashing into the coffee table as I go.

Plus, if I do in fact have to deal with zombies, this place is far more defensible. Just knock out the stairs on both sides and fill up the tub with drinking water and we're golden until we run out of food.

It's finally happened: my own studio space.

2010-06-03T09:42:00.000-07:00

New apartment with a working tub and tons of windows? Sweet. Studio space in the attic? Even sweeter.

I was up until almost midnight organizing the space, and this is how it looks so far. It has a long way to go, but at least I have my basic sections planned: sewing, printmaking, computery-stuff, library, future cutting area (when the table is ready). I can't wait to start using it.

I have to figure out how on earth to sweep out the mountain of dust from, well, everything. Also, there are some old things up here that need to go, like a broken air conditioner and my computer from 2001. That, and I need to find a way to cool it down in the summer without blasting the electric bill sky high.

Even still, though, it's going to be amazing. I can't stop looking at the photos, and I can't wait to get back home to keep picking away at the boxes.

Pissah fo' now, and points too!

2010-05-28T07:31:00.000-07:00

I never, ever jam. Ever. We hates it, precious.

Lately I've been trying to get over my hatred of that role so I can be a better blocker. Last night I jammed twice during a scrimmage and I even got lead. I scored ten points, too! I'm almost indecently excited about that. The high point: taking the outside corner despite my better judgement, doing it completely on one foot that was juuuust inside the line, and through some miracle actually making it through the pack. Epic.

In general, I just had an all around good time. I went to skate with my favorite league, NHRD, at their regular practice. I was going to head out before the scrimmage started because they were playing the Pissahs, who we're bouting in a few weeks. I figured the Pissahs would want their team practice to be free of soon-to-be opponents, but they were playing short and invited me to join them. I don't see many Pissahs off the track, and it felt good to skate with old friends instead of against them.

Normally we scrimmage in our teams, and of course we practice and bout as teams. I often miss our once-a-week league practice, so I've watched my connection with anyone who isn't a Nut weaken over time. That makes me sad. My skater sisters are all on other teams, I miss skating with people who joined the league when I did, and I miss all of the freshies I "mama'ed."

Working closely with my team has made been good for our playing, and I love that. Still, it makes it hard to see outside of that little bubble sometimes. It's too easy to forget that we're all one league.

This helps, though.

2010-02-08T15:11:00.000-08:00

Yes ladies, you get to wear tutus. Tutus for everyone. <3<3<3

Cuts like a knife

2010-02-08T09:28:00.000-08:00

Last night was the freshmeat draft, and also the final cut. As the "Freshmeat Mama," I both love the draft and hate it. I love seeing who goes where. As one of the mediators for the past two seasons, it's been a privilege to be present at the draft itself, keeping time and recording the picking order. Still, there was a new twist this season - I agreed to send some of the "we regret to inform you" emails. I did that clumsily, and while I'm glad it's over, I'd love to go back to the before time when everyone was still here with us.

I'm thrilled to have new teammates, and new opponents, and I can't wait to see what they'll all do on the track this season. Still, I'm seeing the cut freshies everywhere today, and I'll continue to see myself in them every season. I admit, this system is worlds better than the torturously slow version I went through when I was new. There's simply no "mega happy ending" in which Garth gets with Dream Woman.

I just made a Wayne's World reference. Oh my god I must be tired.

My job rocks

2010-01-28T05:41:00.001-08:00

My students really get me.

-- Post From My iPhone

Oh Whip It....

2010-01-27T17:56:00.000-08:00

I just had to buy it today, and I'm definitely enjoying all the wacky Hollywood shenanigans. However, there are two things that consistently make me scream at the television, much to the chagrin of my pug:

1. It's called A whip, not THE whip! Do you call an uppercut "the uppercut," or a home run "the home run?" Of course not, because it sounds stupid.

2. Does ANYONE watch the inside line in these bouts?

However, there is one thing that totally makes me tear up and get all sappy:

1. The scene in the alterna-hipster-shop where she first sees roller derby skaters. I remember that exact moment in my life - sitting on my couch, flipping through the channels, and catching a glimpse of a tattooed chick in a helmet smashing into another tattooed chick in a helmet.

I wonder how many other girls have already had that moment while watching this movie. I'd like to think a lot have, or will when they rent it or get it from Netflix. Maybe watching that absurdly open inside line will help them learn to guard it a bit more closely when they decide to be their own heroes.

2010-01-12T06:18:00.000-08:00

Once again, I've managed to catch whatever bug is going around. I've always been "the kid who gets sick," so this isn't new to me. As a kid I was on a first name basis with all the nurses, and as an adult, I catch whatever the kids in my classes bring with them to class. This stinks enough for my off-skates life, but man, for derby, this is just plain awful.

I always have a tough time juggling the desire to skate with the need to rest and heal. It seems like we do ALL of my favorite drills on the practices I have to miss because of a cold or flu. Sunday was no exception. They did johnny crash drills, partner blood and thunder, and rat traps. Watching that was absolute murder - all I wanted to do was race home, grab my skates, and hit people. Sadly, that's usually the worst thing one can do for oneself and one's league mates, so I had some ginger ale and watched from the stands.

Thank goodness vet attendance isn't tracked until Sunday. Hopefully by then my body will chill out and get better so I can finally put on my skates and kick butt.

A girl can't have too many tutus.

2010-01-03T09:48:00.000-08:00

I'm getting this tutu in pink and black for our upcoming season because I plan to retire my old tutu. Last season I just had the one, and this year I'd like a few for the sake of variety. Plus, my tutu was just too long last season and I'd like to have something that is less likely to get caught in my teammates' pads when we skate in a pack.

Etsy rocks for projects that I could probably learn to do myself, but only after about six failed attempts and $80 in materials. Thanks MTcoffinzUnderground for making the tutus I wish I had the mad sewing skillz to make.

End of the year derby musings

2009-12-29T09:59:00.000-08:00

After filling out a livejournal (yes I still have one of those) meme about end-of-year reflections, I realized that most of them were derby related. I opted to refine them a bit and put them into three categories:

Triumphs:

1. Managing to finally pull off a decent attempt at a Sláy Ride. Granted, I didn't carry any of these people around in the impossibly awesome way that Beyonsláy did in that famous clip, but I did the basics of "hit, lift, drop" that had me going over the bout footage again and again in my parents' kitchen saying "look what I did, mom!"

2. Finally bouting after a whole year of waiting. I'll never forget that first bout for as long as I live. I've become a much better skater since then, but being able to put on a uniform and skate in front of my parents for the first time was such a milestone.

3. Not tearing my ACL after all. Man, that was a horrible week. I've never been more grateful for a visit to a specialist in my entire life. Thanks Dr. Troy for yanking and pulling on my leg and then letting me know that I was "going to be just fine."

4. Getting "Nuts' Best Team Player" at the awards ceremony this season. We voted on a few awards, and this was one of them. I never, ever saw that coming. Getting something people voted on almost made me lose it. For once, I was able to not sob like a goofball while doing something relating to my team, and I held it together while accepting it. I totally cried in the bathroom when I got home, though.

Regrets:

1. Wussing out at Speedy Dan practice. When I was overwhelmed by balancing off-skates tasks, I allowed myself to use that as an excuse to punk out on going to Speedy Dan practice and never got over my anxiety attacks. In retrospect, I wish I'd just sucked it up, cried through those speed drills, and eventually overcome my problems instead of letting the demons in my brain win.

2. Being down on myself more often than I probably deserved. More than one person has told me that I need to stop "looking at the ground" metaphorically speaking because I'll "just run into things." Sometimes I forget that I need to focus on the good things I do rather than on only the bad.

3. Never getting up the balls to try pivoting. Why does that role freak me out so much?

Hopes for next year:

1. I want to finally overcome my mental "speed barrier." When I'm playing a bout, speed is no problem. When I'm doing a drill and it involves racing, I'm screwed. I want to get over this stupid fear already because it's getting old.

2. I would kill to get an MVP award at a bout. Would I be the goofball who started crying while accepting the award? Oh hell yes, you bet.

3. I know I have it in me to be a better team player on the track. Getting best team player this season meant the world to me, and I want to live up to that as much as I can. The players I respect the most are the ones who can bring out the best in their teammates, and I want to be one of those some day.

Oh, the memories

2009-12-21T08:15:00.000-08:00

All this talk of freshmeat has me looking back on my freshmeat days. Man, this was back when my thighs were soft and squishy enough to squeeze into pants. We took this photo in the back of the CRLS gym back when we were practicing there. Clearly this was either at a league meeting, or it was before we all put on our gear and started sweating. Man, I do NOT miss that horrible, nasty, impossibly sticky floor. I do miss fitting into pants, though.

We've all changed so much since this photo! From right to left:

• Dreadnought(aka the author of this blog) is still blocking her butt off for the Nuts and is a member of the Executive Board.
• Vicious Vivacious Vera captained the Cosmos last season and is still part of team SPACE BRAIN.
• Bully Mia continues to be a Pissah (fo' life, as they say) while co-heading Comm Comm.
• Queen Kamayhemmayhem transferred to the DC rollergirls and now skates for the Cherry Blossom Bombshells.
• Trixie Von Toxic had a lovely baby boy and is still with BDD as an Exec Board member and manager of the Pissahs.
• Xena ParadoX is transferring to Charm City and moving to the Baltimore area I type this.
• Trish Squish is captaining the Pissahs for the second year in a row.
• Sugar Hitsleft the Nuts this season to skate full time for the Massacre, and is head coach for the league for another season.
• Mrs. Dash is also taking her mad jamming skillz to the Massacre, leaving her beloved Cosmos after a year of captaining.
• Krushpuppy is taking a break from skating after captaining the Massacre for their first trip to Nationals.
• BritKnee Breaker is captaining the Nuts for a second season, and will be coaching the Massacre too.
• Varga Bomber is moving away after a season of captaining the Pissahs.
• Maude Forbid is rehabbing a knee injury while repping the treasury on the Exec Board, and will be returning this season to kick butt for the Pissahs.
• Nora'Easter left us for Maine some time ago, and will hopefully return to derby someday because she was so darned good.

It's weird to think that we all had to learn the skills we do automatically now. Sugar Hits used to have to think about crossovers in order to do them correctly, and now she's expertly teaching our freshies these very steps. Dash and Breaker had to get used to bending their knees, and now their crotches are about an inch from the ground when they skate. Squish had to learn how to lean people out, and now it's about as easy to move her as it is to push a city bus. I had to take my assessments over and over again in order to be stable enough to even attempt contact, and now I can (sometimes) pick people up with my butt.

When did we all get so good? Has it really been almost three years?

Apparently my skate book is pretty cool. :D

2009-12-19T15:54:00.001-08:00

I checked my little traffic widget and noticed a bunch of hits from DNN. It took me a few minutes to discover the reason. Thanks DNN!

It's also mentioned on a few other derby blogs too. Holy crap.

Freshie cuts make Dread a sad panda.

2009-12-19T15:21:00.000-08:00

We had our first round of freshmeat cuts this Wed and we lost three wonderful skaters. While none of them were part of my particular skater family (congrats Anna Ellen, Amanda, and Marisa) it didn't make it easy to say goodbye to the three women who didn't make it. I hope they try out again next season because we're definitely losing out on their awesomeness. :(

I'm so lucky my freshmeat experience didn't include cuts. That system was created the year after I joined in order to solve the problem of the freshies who fell behind those who had already passed [insert assessment here] and could do [insert advanced drill here]. While it helps keep training on track by making sure the pace of practice stays consistent, it sacrifices the skaters who take longer to mature. Skaters like me.

I was far from the best in my year. In fact, I was the second-to-last in my freshie class to be teamed, and spent over a year as an unteamed skater. If we had had cuts, I surely would have been gone in the first round. I remember how hard it was to skate on my own at the side of the rink while watching everyone else get teamed. By the end of that year I had cried myself to sleep more often than I like to remember. That long process has left some pretty big "skating self image" scars that will never fade.

I see myself in the skaters who got cut. As a freshie, I wanted to play derby as badly as they did, and I know exactly how it feels to look at the rest of the freshies and think "is this really how I rate?" I wouldn't wish my year of being one of the unwanted children of the BDD family on any of them, though. Still, I wouldn't wish on any of these ladies the "derby breakup" they're going through right now.

Old skate + bout posters + many years of art school = my awesome book

2009-12-10T10:27:00.000-08:00

I started grad school at the same time I started roller derby, and it was massively difficult to balance a full time job with these other two major time-eaters. It took me about six months to realize that I could use derby as material for my thesis, and I'm so glad I did. It's saved my sanity, and I'm also pretty proud of the work I've been doing.

I've been making books. I haven't done this in a while, and I'd forgotten how much I used to enjoy this process. I made this one by taking a pair of shears to an old skate and drilling the pages into the plate... thank god the plate was made of nylon. The pages are cut-up sections of old bout posters, and the writing inside explains (in very loose terms) "The Game" of roller derby. I don't go into the details or cite rule 4.1.q.ƒ in the current WFTDA ruleset. However, I do outline the way points are scored, and the different positions we play.

I'm planning on making more books out of old derby materials. I have some old wristguards that could definitely use some love, despite the horrible smell they've developed after years of sweat and "Holbrook floor gunk." I should also consider working with some of the million tutus I've worn over this past season alone. It's nice to feel like I'm really on to something after so long.

Thanks Mona. :D

2009-12-09T19:49:00.000-08:00

Mona Mour blogged about our awesome moment in the July bout this past season. That was one of the best moments of my derby career*, and I'm thrilled beyond belief that it happened directly in front of the camera.

It was always my derby fantasy to pick people up with my butt when I hit them. I hope I can keep up the good work this season.

*Topped in my next bout by executing the same move against Killary Clinton, only staying in bounds.

Out with season 3, in with season 4

2009-12-08T06:15:00.001-08:00

It's been many moons since I've moved my quilt posts over to rollerderbyquilt.blogspot.com. I figure I should finally start using this thing again for its original purpose - to babble into teh intarwebs on the off chance that someone out there cares to read about my derby experience. Am I blogging into the darkness? Are other derby people actually reading this? I suppose it amounts to the same thing.

The season was pretty rich for me as far as BDD goes. The Nuts won the championship and remained undefeated this season (NUTS OUT!). I hit people and they fell down, and spent my share of time on the ground too. I continued to have panic attacks whenever I saw our speed coach (Speedy Dan) arrive at Wednesday practices. Our travel team placed third in the east and went to Nationals for the first time ever. My husband announced at Nationals and did a great job. My skater sister got "best rookie" for her team and I got "Best Team Player" for mine. I wore a tutu sometimes. It was ok.

Right now we're in our "off season," which basically means our "skating and practicing and working on committees, but not actually bouting" season. Our freshmeat are just starting contact, which is my favorite thing ever and I'm stupid excited to teach them whatever I can. It's probably going to be hard to top last season, but I'm pleasantly hopeful that this season will at least kick a decent amount of butt.

I was on the TV

2009-09-03T22:47:00.000-07:00

Fox 25 came to a practice a few weeks ago to take a segment for "They've Got Game", a sports piece where two Fox dudes go and try different sports around town. The put on skates, wore helmet panties, and spent much of the practice falling backwards. It was a lot of fun.

Here is the segment, which aired last night at 10:45. I somehow wound up being one of the dames they interviewed. Trust me, it's worth watching this for both the falling and the part where I grunt and hit myself repeatedly.

"It's like... ghngnhngnhngngnhnhnhn!!!" *punch punch punch punch*

Derby this weekend. Please come! (Better yet, volunteer!)

2009-08-12T22:45:00.000-07:00

We need help at the upcoming bout. Seriously. If you're around this saturday and would be willing to stand in a staircase for a few hours, we'll reward you with a great view of the action and hopefully a burrito for your troubles. Oh, and our eternal gratitude. I'm serious.

In other news, I'm bummed that tonight was my last practice for almost two weeks. I can't wait to go to Provincetown, but I'll miss skating. I've recently figured out how to make my body do this thing I've seen all the "good" skaters do at bouts, and I want to keep doing it. It's kind of a swoop, with both knees bent nice and low, and my weight leaning into my front leg. Hard to explain, and harder to figure out because no one can explain it, but you know it when you've finally gotten it just right. It's so useful when we swoop/hit/stop!

I feel like I'm finally starting to GET this sport. It's only taken me 2 years..... sheesh.

Nuts out!

2009-07-19T22:44:00.000-07:00

We totally won. I am teh happy.
Steve was head of security. He is teh wiped out:

Posted via LiveJournal.app.

Back to skating

2009-07-07T22:41:00.000-07:00

Last night was my first practice back after being out with my knee injury. I was sure that I'd be useless after 2 month off skates, but I had a shockingly good practice! I need to get my timing back when hitting hard to the outside, and I need to get up more quickly when I fall. My jammer awareness could be better too, but all of these will come back quickly - they always have before.
Like other times, I seem to have come back with a few new skills! Normally one of my two Major Weaknesses is getting trapped behind people - I've never been able to maneuver quickly. Last night I did admirably well getting out from behind booty blocks, though. I've NEVER been able to do that before! Also, I've figured out how to do those annoying super-fast, repetitive little hits we've been working on.
All in all, I'm very proud. I can't wait to scrimmage this weekend. :D
Posted via LiveJournal.app.

I might have "runner's toe"

2009-06-14T22:39:00.000-07:00

Which means I'm on a one-way street to having no right big toenail. It's now hanging by a thread. This was the grossest thing I'd ever experienced until reading the following on a podiatry site:

"The avulsion technique was performed by simple hemostat blunt dissection under the nail using a ‘coke-bottle’ technique. "

Apparently this is what I have to look forward to if I have to have my toenail removed. Words simply cannot express the level of nasty that the phrase "coke-bottle technique" calls to mind.

Oh, and so you can have nightmares forever, here is an internet toe that bears striking resemblance to mine:

One trick pony.

2009-06-10T11:52:00.000-07:00

Ooh neat, I'm in the local paper:

Check out my interview. If you watch the slideshow and listen to the audio you can hear me talk about hitting people. I also talk about hitting people, and I go into hitting people a little bit. I finish up with a piece about hitting people, and I stress several times that I really like hitting people.

I'm so one-dimensional sometimes it hurts. Sheesh.

FML

2009-05-14T17:14:00.000-07:00

Great news about the knee, eh? Hooray for me! Oh wait, Jessie, you can't be happy for that long. We're revisiting last year's season, what with the injuries and being off skates. Since your knee is ok, why don't you come down with a nice fever! Say, 104 degrees? Let's fill your lungs and sinuses with dark greenish/brown glop, make it very difficult to breathe, and have your heart race until it feels like it'll burst out of your chest. I think that sounds just dandy.

Screw everyone for not washing their goddamned hands at the hospital. Screw me for not doing it either. I can't win. I CAN'T WIN.

Hooray for my knee!

2009-05-13T13:49:00.000-07:00

I went to the ortho specialist today, and left in tears. These were tears of absolute joy, because I apparently only have a medial meniscal tear, and not the blown ACL that I was sure I had. After wobbling my leg around a whole bunch, he said the most beautiful words in the English language:

"You're fine, now walk."

He said my ACL felt strong, my MCL felt strong, there was no noticeable fluid on my knee, and only minor swelling. The rehab is to use a stationary bike to work on my range of movement, and to "skate as soon as possible" to get my knee back up to speed. I'll only need an MRI if I don't see any improvement. Even if I need surgery (which he says isn't likely) the recovery time will be very quick because it's not very invasive. I can't BELIEVE my luck.

I got to walk out of the office carrying my crutches. I was sobbing because I was so happy. I missed a golden opportunity, though - I so wanted to throw my crutches and leg immobilizer to the ground and scream "HALLELUJA! I'm HEALED!" and skip out of there. However, looking around at the patients with their broken this and that (and crucifixes on chains) made me reconsider.

Vitamin awesome.

2009-05-03T00:17:00.000-07:00

I'm pretty sure I blew my ACL. I hope next season is as awesome as this very short season was. :(

Posted via LivejournalApp

Goths on Wheels - desperately need help getting there

2009-04-30T22:30:00.000-07:00

Is anyone interested in going to Goths on Wheels on Saturday? I'm trying to get them some BDD tickets for one of their prizes, and this would be much easier if I could actually go. Damn this whole not-driving thing.

Anyway, here's the info. If anyone is interested in going please let me know PLEASE.

At least I can say more about this third "CONGRATS", because there was an audience.

2009-04-26T13:10:00.000-07:00

I ended my security stint at tonight's NHRD bout on the floor, screaming wordlessly as they won their first ever home bout against PRD's Killah Bees. I was literally on all fours, pounding the concrete floor with my fist (ow), and crying hysterically while screaming "YES! YES! YES! I LOVE YOU NHRD". I have never done anything even close to that at a sporting event in my life. I thought I was going to have a stroke I was screaming so hard.

I now understand why people attend professional sports games in the winter while topless and covered in team-colored body paint. When Rosie got lead jammer in the last jam of the night I wanted to rip my shirt off and wave it like a flag.

I remember showing Dee Stortion and Dementia A-Go-Go how to do plough stops in a parking lot last July when their league practices consisted of a handful of girls dodging clumsy pre-teens at an open skate in Tyngsboro. They've come so far, and built this league up from nothing, and I'm so proud of them I can't contain myself.

Today was a really, really good day for so many people I love. Way to go, life. Thanks for taking such good care of my friends. :D

Yikes.

2009-04-19T10:16:00.000-07:00

The score last night:

Nuts (aka my team) 124
Pissahs 42

That's two games for us with a ridiculous point differential in our favor. I'm actually having a tough time being super wicked happy because I feel kind of bad. I'm definitely proud - I think we played a great game, especially considering the fact that we were down four players and almost everyone was in every other jam. Still, 82 points..... yikes. Maybe I'm still hanging on to last year's hundred point defeat of the Nuts and how that felt. The circumstances were hugely different this time around (totally different players on the Pissahs, the rancor between the teams was pretty much nil) but I just hope they didn't feel like the Nuts did last year.

Either way, it was a blast playing the Pissahs. I loved how they came over before skating through the curtain and hugged every one of us. How classy was that? There was a lot of hugging and praising between Nuts and Pissahs after the game too. Also, when their theme song came on during the after party, the Nuts and Pissahs all danced together. That *never* would have happened last year.

I think the next time we play them will be very different - their new skaters will have had another bout under their belts, and they'll have had a few months to gel as a team. Granted, I hope we'll have our injured players back, but either way I think it'll be a lot closer. Same with the Cosmos. The learning curve is steeper for new players than vets, and I anticipate some really tough fights as the season goes on.

This too shall pass, but this morning is fired.

2009-03-31T22:41:00.000-07:00

I'm feeling really strained and overextended today. A lot of this was because practice was really draining for me yesterday, but the mountain of housekeeping-type-crap I had to do this morning contributed.

Reasons why I'm feeling low today:

1. Last night at practice I had some kind of asthma-like event. I've never had asthma, so I'm not sure if I've just developed it or if there's another name for non-sufferers who suddenly can't breathe at all. I haven't been able to breathe through my nose for almost a month, so perhaps it's an allergy thing... either way it was really frightening and I'm scared about it happening again.

All I know is that I was having a tough time keeping up because I couldn't get enough air, and then suddenly I REALLY couldn't get enough air, and then I felt like I was getting absolutely no air at all. The little primitive survival part of me totally freaked out and went "I'm DYING!!!! OMGOMGOMG" and I had a panic attack. I spent a good chunk of the next fifteen minutes crying like a baby on Holly Nass's shoulder, and alternated skating laps alone and participating in the slower drills because I kept having wheezing fits all night.

Oh, and when I totally lost my shit I also blabbed about every insecurity I have about my skating (mostly into Nass's armpit) so I'm still feeling embarrassed and childish and whiny. I'm trying to actively focus on all the nice things she said, and all the "this isn't your fault - your body needed air" comments she made, because she's totally right. I think I'll internalize that more with time, but that's definitely an uphill battle for me.

2. (largely resolved) I couldn't get a doctor's appointment to see what the hell happened to my body last night. The lady on the phone didn't quite seem to understand the urgency of "OMG I couldn't breathe WTF?" and was suggesting appointments for, say, NEXT MONTH. I was so pissed and tired and grouchy that I totally cried after the phone call. However, the Nurse Practitioner in the office called back and offered to double-book me for the first appointment tomorrow so I could squeeze in early. I don't even have to miss any of my classes because it's during my prep. This has taken some of the load off, and I'm grateful. Thank goodness for people overhearing phone calls in crowded offices.

3. I tried to see what the procedure was for paying my current outstanding bill for grad school with the voucher from my student teacher. This involves getting three different offices to agree upon the same issue, and I'm unable to reach the right people in any of the three offices. In my fantasy world, I go to class on Thursday, hand in the voucher, they say "KTHXBYE" and I've paid for the class. Apparently this is only possible in a land where leprechauns ride unicorns who vomit sunshine and piss wishes.

So yeah, being emotionally vulnerable followed by stupid bureaucracy crap is a recipe for frustration, grumpiness, and a lousy morning. I want to eat cake and hug my dog while Steve makes me laugh and the cat meows insistently for more food.

Hooray!

2009-03-23T20:09:00.000-07:00

Another skater called me "the bulldozer in a tutu" today. That was pretty awesome.

I love my life.

2009-03-22T00:00:00.000-07:00

I did a really good job. :)

-- Post From My iPhone

Finally.

2009-03-21T13:15:00.000-07:00

Tonight at 7PM I get to play roller derby, on a team, in front of my parents and friends. I've been waiting for this for a long time.

Come to my first bout this Saturday or I will have you shot.

2009-03-19T22:15:00.000-07:00

My first bout with BDD is this freakin' Saturday!!! Please come, wear pink, make signs, and cheer for my team, the Nutcrackers. Info below:

DOUBLE HEADER!!!

Doors at 4 pm
Shriners Auditorium, Wilmington, MA
Tickets $14 in advance, $16 at the door (good for both bouts of the double header)
Season tickets now available!

Bout #1: 5 pm: Boston Massacre vs. Charm City Roller Girls (Baltimore, Maryland)
Bout #2: 7 pm: Nutcrackers vs. Cosmonaughties

Security needed for BDD's bout on 3/21

2009-03-10T22:14:00.000-07:00

Boston Derby Dames need people to work security for the March 21st bout. It's a really easy job where you get to be right next to the action and keep our paying customers from getting on the track, in the locker rooms, or in the ladies' faces. It's actually fun and we all get to hang out.

You also get to see a lot of derby action for free.

Who would be able to help us out

WHY DOES THIS COMMERCIAL HAUNT MY DREAMS!?!?!?!!??

2009-03-03T22:13:00.000-08:00

I can't stop singing this stupid song. What does it even MEAN??!?!?!? It makes no sense! I mean, if the fish in the sandwich were taken from the fish on the wall, how does McDonald's figure into the process? If the sandwich came from another fish, how does giving the sandwich to the fish on the wall solve the problem? Who is that bearded dude, and why is he giving the other dude such a knowing look? Isn't that a plastic fish?

Math is hard! My head is going to explode. There are no answers in this commercial, only questions!

ATTN: my first bout is coming up. Please come!!!

2009-03-02T16:59:00.000-08:00

Please please please mark your calendars! I'm skating in my first Boston Derby Dames bout with the Nutcrackers on March 21, and I'd be thrilled to see some familiar faces in the audience.

Info below:

DOUBLE HEADER!!!

Doors at 4 pm
Shriners Auditorium, Wilmington, MA
Tickets $14 in advance, $16 at the door (good for both bouts of the double header)
Season tickets now available!

Bout #1: 5 pm: Boston Massacre vs. Charm City Roller Girls (Baltimore, Maryland)
Bout #2: 7 pm: Nutcrackersvs. Cosmonaughties

Bout #1: Almost two years since first facing off against (and n-a-r-r-o-w-l-y beating) Charm City, the Boston Massacre once again hosts Baltimore's hard-hitting all-stars. Read the April 14, 2007 bout recap or the recap of the Wicked Pissah's April 2008 smackdown of Charm City's champion Night Terrors in a Season Two expo bout.

Halftime set by While Rome Burns.

Bout #2: And kicking off the home team season, the second bout of the evening sees the Nutcrackers take on the Cosmonaughties for the first time since Season Two's playoff bout in April 2008. The home teams have come out of the off-season with seriously shaken up rosters, new leadership, and still-untested rookies. Will the Nuts have an advantage with a veteran-heavy team? Or will the Cosmos capitalize on the energy of their freshmeat skaters?

After party in the Fez Room with DJ John Barera

Please come! I can't say how much it would mean to me!

Kaboom

2009-02-23T22:42:00.000-08:00

My bum is big. It levels cities. This is me now:

Photo by Alicia Zamarro

... and I hope to become this:

I think I have it in me.

Opinions?

2009-02-20T22:08:00.000-08:00

Ahoy hoy - I need opinions! Which photo should I choose for the BDD website and bout program?

Please think about how awesome I look, and not just how cute my dog is. ;) I think I look kind of pretty in the pug one, and kind of monster-y in the other one. Argh! Decisions!

I need help thinking of an intro line!

2009-02-11T21:07:00.000-08:00

When skaters are announced at bouts, they often have an intro line before their name. For example:

"She puts the lotion in the basket, it's Jodie Faster!"
"Try as you might, you can't keep her down, it's Bully Mia!"

I need one by tonight for a bout I'm guest-skating in down in CT, and I have no ideas. Does anyone have any suggestions? My derby name is "Dreadnought", which is the first all-big-gun battleship. It's also a "heavy support" troops choice for Warhammer 40K - a Dreadnought is basically a giant robot-bodied warrior. I'm looking for something that explains that I'm a giant war machine. I hit hard, I'm big, I'm strong.... etc. etc.

PLEASE HELP!

First mixed vet and freshie scrimmage!

2009-01-26T21:37:00.000-08:00

Tonight was my first practice back after about two weeks break. This break was forced by one flu, then a snowstorm, then MLK day, then freshie assessments. Oh, and also the fact that a bolt came loose on my plates and I couldn't skate on them for a bit. Once it was explained that I'd been trying to correct the problem by tightening the wrong bolt, I was shakily back on skates, hoping to god my trucks didn't fall off in the middle of a jam.

While it took me the first half of the scrimmage to actually pay attention to the game around me (I was too focused on worrying about my skate falling apart and breaking my leg), I pulled it together in the second half. I'm especially proud of:

1. A few sweet booty blocks - I was using my booty more during this scrimmage than I have in a while. Since discovering that I can hit well, I'd kind of stopped booty blocking, even though I knew that it was a more long-term, conservative way to control the other team's players. Tonight I remembered why I used to like doing that so much. I'll have to keep it up.

2. I was using my teammates more than I ever have before. I'd see a fellow blocker on my outside, see the jammer coming up on that side, and rather than cut across said blocker and going in for a hit, I'd push her instead. Go me and my improving track awareness.

3. Actually getting my mind off of my wonky skate problems in the first place. I can get way up into my head, and that was a huge contributor to my struggle last season. Had this been a year ago, I'd have probably given up and found a reason to sit out more jams (or possibly the scrimmage itself) while tinkering with my skate. Instead, I stuck it out, and my skate wound up being fine. Once I made myself focus on the game, I was doing well again. I want to make sure to get used to this process for when I'm inevitably having all kinds of nerves at a bout, where saying "I'll just wait until next week" isn't an option.

My goals for the next scrimmage are:

1. Play outside more. I never play that, and I need to learn that role.
2. Booty block more. I'm not half bad at that, and I should be trying to get even better.
3. Fall back more quickly. I still keep finding myself at the front of the damned pack, even when playing back. I've got to get over that.

Ahh balls.

2009-01-22T13:35:00.000-08:00

Freshie assessments were last night, and one of my skater sisters was cut. She and I ride together to practice, and we've gotten pretty close. I'm beyond upset about this. :(

Oh, and my skates are messed up.

Hooray.

The off season is over, let the posts begin...

2009-01-05T21:36:00.000-08:00

Now that my migraine is gone, and I can see again, I'll get back to the obsessive computing that is my usual afternoon routine.

Last year was a tough derby year, and there were some days when the only thing that kept me going were the lists of three good things I'd done during practice. While this season has started off extremely well for me, I'm hoping to keep going with this anyway. Looking back on how far I'v come was a huge help when I was down, and I can only imagine it will be even nicer when I'm up, too.

Anyway, my goal for last night's scrimmage (the first back after the off-season) was to get off one really good hit. Instead:

1. I lost track after the 7th. I Didn't get any "elbows" or "forearms" penalties in the first half, and I'm not sure about the second... so as far as I know I hit cleanly. I had one jam where I got off three good hits within a few seconds of each other - one to clear one opposing blocker for our jammer, one immediately after to get back into position, and one on the opposing jammer, knocking her out of bounds.
2. I had a crazy Gumby moment where someone hit me, I started to go down on one knee, and then someone fell in front of me and knocked my foot out from under me completely. I managed to balance on a leg that was barely a a 90 degree angle while the other was in the air behind me, and push myself back up without ever actually falling. I felt like a super hero!
3. Xena and I made some really good walls, and at least once she booty blocked someone and I hit them, rat-trap-style.

Things to work on for the next scrimmage:
1. When I hit, I need to change direction and get back with the flow of traffic faster. I need to progress from BOOM....... catch up to BOOMcatchup.
2. I totally hit Maude Forbid in the face with my head during one block. I should have had much more control over myself. I've never blocked with my head before!
3. I need to slow down and cover the back of the pack more. Funny, I love playing inside and back, and yet I race too far forward when trying to keep the other team's inside and/or back blocker behind me. My next Big Goal is to not race the opposing team's [insert position here] blocker and rely on booty blocks, walls, and check blocks to keep her slow.

so angry

2009-01-02T14:04:00.000-08:00

[NOTE: I'm in a horrendous mood right now, and will probably feel very silly later when my skates finally do arrive]

Stupid slow-ass express mail. I hate New Year's. It's a boring holiday that only inconveniences me by making my newly-mounted skates NOT arrive overnight, despite paying extra for expedited shipping. Everything about that holiday is stupid, and I spend every New Years wanting to do something fun, but not being able to because there are too many drunk people in restaurants, on the roads, and in my way. It's a stupid, arbitrary holiday where nothing cool happens. There's no good food, people only get together to do things I don't enjoy, and nothing good is on TV.

How was this past Wednesday any different than Thursday? In my eyes, not at all.

I want some damned ice cream. GOD I'm so cranky.

OMG EARLY XMAS

2008-12-23T17:56:00.000-08:00

My new Bont skate boots came!!!!! Hooray! I'm preheating the oven so I can heal-mould them to my feets now. I'm so excited!!!

..... HOORAY!

Metal Sugarplum Fairy?

2008-12-20T15:31:00.000-08:00

Does anyone know of a badass rendition of the Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy from the Nutcracker? Hell, any well-known Nutcracker piece will do.... If there's a metal cover out there, or if any of you would be willing to record one for me for xmas, I would be forever in your debt.

Techno is a good second choice, just so you know.

Reminder: we've moved to rollerderbyquilt.blogspot.com

2008-12-16T08:32:00.001-08:00

I just posted two new posts, with nifty images and all kinds of amazing information. Want to learn which foreign country sent me a square last week? Check the new blog. Want to see how giant the quilt is now? Check the new blog. Want to learn how to make real, working X-Ray specs? Check the new blog.

Why are you still reading this? Go ahead and CHECK THE NEW BLOG already!!!

What an excellent weekend.

2008-12-15T13:22:00.000-08:00

Rather than do a long post about the amazing surprise party that Steve planned, I'll simply say this:

I never saw it coming in a million years, and every time I think about walking through those doors and seeing all of those people yelling "SURPRISE" I still get choked up. That definitely goes down among the top three happiest days of my life, ranking up there with the night Steve and I got together (when he told me he loved me), our wedding this summer, and now this. Pretty sweet.

Steve is the best husband ever.

:)

2008-12-13T01:25:00.000-08:00

Tonight has been one of the best nights of my entire life. I have the most wonderful husband ever.

-- Post From My iPhone

Moving to a new URL...

2008-12-09T18:34:00.000-08:00

ATTENTION! I'm moving to a new blog to make this whole "roller derby quilt" thing more obvious and easy to find. The new URL is:

rollerderbyquilt.blogspot.com

Go there, comment, and look at the new squares from London's Rockin' Rollers!

I'm bouting this year.... you should come see me.

2008-12-02T14:20:00.000-08:00

Because I finally get to skate in front of people this season (hooray for me!) you should go to the bouts this year. I'm a Nutcracker, as you can see by my awesome featured rollergirl page.

Make sure you go to the Nuts bouts! In fact, you should BUY SOME TICKETS for holiday gifts to make sure that TONS of people holding "Nuts Out" and "I <3 Dreadnought" signs are in attendance. Do this or I won't love you anymore.

I'm not kidding. Not even slightly.

Derby derby and more derby

2008-12-01T15:16:00.000-08:00

Since the season started up last month I literally can't stop thinking about roller derby. I'm obsessed. When I'm alone I visualize especially good blocks I threw at the last practice, or I imagine walking into the street and knocking over cars. I fantasize about getting new skates, or think about new ways to explain skills to my new skater sisters. It's become all I think about this season and I don't know if that's a good or bad thing.

If I could go to practice every day I would. Lately all I want to do is skate around and hit people.

-- Post From My iPhone

OW.

2008-11-18T22:00:00.000-08:00

Sunday was my first practice after our long off-season (plus being sick for a week), and I had a blast. It felt so weird to be one of the strong skaters for once (since it was a newbie practice) and that's still messing with my head... I can't shake the mental image of being physically larger than the new skaters... Not in a fat-ass way, but in a "little kid drawing with the adults being HUGE" way. Was this how last-year's vets felt?

I think a sad, broken little piece of me is falling away like old skin. Well, at least I hope so. I dragged myself through the year and, from an emotional standpoint, finished the season running on fumes. By getting teamed right at the very end, I didn't have time to adjust to the status of being a teamed skater, and I was still carrying around the "I'm unteamed and everyone is better than I am" mentality. That definitely left scars, but being in the "giving advice" role was extremely healing for me.

I hope that continues, because it feels so good.

-- Post From My iPhone

Vitamin awesome

2008-11-08T00:54:00.000-08:00

Being sick is horrendous, but the new skaters are pretty fabulous. :D

-- Post From My iPhone

Home sick, day 2.

2008-11-07T23:44:00.000-08:00

I made the right decision in staying home. I feel like donkey poop. I'm still going to the Freshmeat and Greet tonight because that doesn't require nearly as much activity. All I have to do is talk about non-skating BDD stuff, smile, be friendly, and drink lots of water. I can handle that.

Since this has taken all of my available energy, here is a photo from Halloween. I wore this to work, and felt pretty cool:

Goodness me...

2008-11-05T10:47:00.000-08:00

I'm the featured rollergirl on the Boston Derby Dames site! Great writeup of the quilt, too...

What an eventful couple of days.

2008-11-04T20:59:00.000-08:00

Between tryouts, the tryout decision meeting, emailing the new skaters, and the election, I've barely had a second to myself. I'm currently at a small election party at Rumble Pie's house, and while I'm so tired I could cry, I'm also having a lovely time.

I hope the election goes as well as choosing the new skaters did. Fingers crossed...

The quilt so far:

2008-11-04T12:38:00.001-08:00

-- Post From My iPhone

Portrait-in-progress

2008-10-23T18:12:00.000-07:00

Check out the super-awesome portrait that a fabulous artist namedPaigey is working on. I feel like a huge dork, but I've always wanted to have my portrait done, but I'm usually too much of a wimp to ask. Pretty neat, eh?

awesome awesome awesome

2008-10-02T23:08:00.000-07:00

Bood and Thunder wants to do a story on the Roller Derby Quilt! Holy shit! I totally didn't think that email would actually work. At the very most I thought it would yield a little mention in a small article about roller derby art. Not an entire story unto itself.

They want to do six pages! Holy shit!

New squares!

2008-09-29T06:18:00.000-07:00

I got some new squares over the past few months. Here is a belated update:

Maude Forbid screen printed a Boston B Party shirt to represent our B Team:

EZ Bake Shovin' retired this year, but she donated a square because she's just that fabulous:

This is a square-in-progress made up entirely of used track tape from one of our summer bouts:

Death by Roxy sent this from Vermont. It's made up entirely of used skate laces. Brilliant idea:

This is a uniform piece by the lovely ladies of NHRD:

And finally, a shot of the quilt as it is right now in its safety-pinned-together state:

I may have created a monster.

2008-09-24T14:54:00.000-07:00

How have things been going in quilt-land, you ask? Since my decision to base my MSAE thesis project on roller derby has been approved, it's been going almost freakishly well. The panel that reviewed my benchmark presentation was pretty gung-ho about the quilt, and I've been given the go-ahead to go bat-shit crazy with this until my thesis show next year. Ever since last week it's been a quilt-o-rama at the Dread household, and then I got the crazy idea to email everyone I could possibly think of who's life has been touched by roller derby.

I spent the better part of three hours on Monday emailing every single league on the western half of the US in the hopes of getting a few more squares for the quilt. Over the past three days I have received over a hundred responses. Many are "I'll post this to my league and hopefully someone will contact you", which is simply fabulous. However, quite a few have been significantly more awesome. Thanks to everyone who has responded, but special thanks go to these three anonymous leagues:

"... can I have your mailing address and I'll send it out this week!!!"

"Oh, you're so lucky the crafter on our league also maintains the MySpace!"

"I can easilly put together a few squares to send off for you to add, but what I would really like to do is contribute a whole panel..."

I've simply taken to squealing every time I hear the little "ping" of my inbox getting another email. Tonight I'll hit the eastern half of the country, and I'll use this weekend to work on contacting international leagues. In my fantasy world, every state and every country will be represented on the quilt. That might be too much to ask, but a girl can dream...

Yay for my new skater bio!

2008-09-11T21:31:00.000-07:00

Since I was teamed this summer (HOORAY FOREVER YAAAAAAY NUTS OUT!!!!) I thought it would be a good idea to rewrite my bio. Ruby was kind enough to throw it on the site super-quickly, and this is the result.

Now, I need a photo of me looking all badass in a tutu and I'm all set.

Feelin' good.

2008-09-08T15:53:00.000-07:00

Things are pretty nice. I like my life. :D

Arlington to Bedford and back.

2008-09-07T17:26:00.000-07:00

Daaaaaaamn that's a long trip on skates. I think I'll collapse for a while before I have to work on school stuff.

Derby girls are everywhere.

2008-08-20T23:10:00.000-07:00

This morning we skated with Twisted Pixie, a skater from a new league in NY. We had a great time skating around in the basketball court and talking about derby. She skates in an OSDA league (they're working on building a guy team, girl team, and a co-ed team), and she cross dresses, so our derby experiences have been very different. We talked about derby names, and different ways of blocking, and drills we've done. We're planning to skate again tomorrow too, and I'm psyched.

I love how easy it is to make connections like this through roller derby. If I had been walking down the street in bondage pants and purple synth dreads and I passed another person dressed similarly, I'd be as likely to get a snotty look as a smile. If I see another person on roller skates with a jersey carrying a derby-esque name, we geek out for a while and make plans to practice together and have breakfast.

Derby can be as cliquish as any goth club, but it's funny how that mainly seems to apply to one's own league. Meeting people from other leagues has always come with an almost creepy level of acceptance. I don't get it. Still, I really like it. :D

I love skating.

2008-08-20T22:49:00.000-07:00

Today has been AWESOME. Highlights include:

1. Watching a bunch of morons in a car get trapped in the throng of drag queens going to drag bingo. One real beast of a woman in said car yelled "get off, faggot!" when a drag queen tried to pose for a photo next to the car, and even hit the drag queen when she walked over to the car window. This is obviously a colossally bad idea when in Provincetown, surrounded by about a hundred gay people. The drag queen returned the favor by nailing the bigot pretty hard in her torso, and the crowd cheered. I half expected the crowd to flip over the car!

2. Speaking of fierce, one shop in Ptown bought a bunch of Project Runway gowns! We saw them on display the other day, but two drag queens wore two of them to drag bingo tonight. One was in the Christian Siriano prom gown (it really is hideous) and the other was in the Stella trash bag gown (so, so, so bad). I got to see both up close and see how jacked up they are inside. Crazy stitching everywhere! It's a good thing the judges don't see what's inside them...

3. We met another derby girl! Well, she skates as a woman, and does OSDA as opposed to WFTDA. We're meeting "Twisted Pixie" tomorrow at the basketball court for some skating. So awesome.

4. Steve looked hella handsome in his cowboy hat and huge stompy boots. It's fun to walk around with such a hot cowboy during the cowboy-themed Carnival week.*

5. Skating around in a frilly pink thing while eating fried dough made me feel oddly like a little girl in a fairy princess costume. I can't describe how much fun that was. I want to do this all the time. I definitely get a lot of fun attention this way. Lots of photos of me will surface on the flickr pages of total strangers later in the week. Hopefully my ass looks good, because you could definitely see it.

6. I'm very aware of how much better I've gotten as a skater since I tried street skating here last year. I'm not as terrified of the hills and potholes as I was before. Sometimes I need reminders that I've improved so much. It feels pretty great.

*No one has openly mistaken him for a drag king yet. I'm sure it's only a matter of time.

Hooray!

2008-08-20T16:41:00.000-07:00

Steve has been waking me up as early as possible (not that early) so we can go to a little basketball court near my parents' P-Town rental. This is where we're practicing skating. I still can't believe such a perfect skating surface just happened to be a two-minute walk from the place we're staying.

It's fun to go out skating with him. He's making SO MUCH PROGRESS in a short time! He'll be ready to skate around at the skating rink in no time. He's bending his knees, leaning into turns, and barely falling at all. Hell, when he does fall, he falls the right way - toward his pads and not on his back. :D Hooray for my skating monkey!

I just hope I'm not being a huge annoying jerk as I try to learn how to do hop-turns. I'm so worried about being that dumb-jock boyfriend who wants to "teach" his girlfriend basketball and spends the whole time stealing the ball, dunking, and doing victory dances.

Hee hee

2008-08-17T17:02:00.000-07:00

I skated up and down Commercial St. today and had a lovely time. Steve walked with me, kindly carrying my crocs so we could stop for a lunch break. On hills I tended to lose him (because I'd have to speed up to go uphill, and I couldn't help but pick up even more speed on my way down). While I felt bad about that, this gave him the chance to overhear some choice things that people said about me when I was out of earshot. Two gems:

The (presumably) straight-ish couple
Woman: [whispers to the dude with her]
Dude: So go tell her that!
W: No!
D: It's ok. We're both attracted.

The two gay guys on bikes passing us in the opposite direction as I race down a steep hill in a deep squat
Guy 1: I just wanted to smack her ass.
Guy 2: Yeah, but she looks like one of those derby girls. She'll probably kick your ass.

I love Provincetown. I want to keep my skates on all the time here.

TUTU!

2008-08-13T14:34:00.000-07:00

I just got back from Patterson's Back Bay Dancewear. It was the best mother-daughter trip ever. It's a dance place in Burlington, MA, and we went there in search of a tutu. As you can see, we found one.

We spent about a half hour digging through the craziest ballet, hip hop, jazz, modern, and flamenco dancewear that I've ever seen. I even saw ice-skating dresses. I was in a totally different world, and I was completely shocked at how much fun I was having. My tutu and sparkly-thing-loving, rhinestone-obsessed inner child is alive, well, and doing little pirouettes in my heart. :D

Naturally, when we got home, everyone had to take a turn in the tutu. Well, the dogs didn't really want to, but we have opposable thumbs and used them to assert our places as dominant members of this tutu-wearing pack. I think Goblin could rock a little version of this one if I appease her with enough snausages. Molly barked through the whole thing, but we managed to get her to hold still juuuust long enough to pose for a photo. I'm sure the neighbors thought we were stark raving mad.

After about a million dog treats and a million more blurry photos later, the humans had to have a go in the tutu. I wish I could get them to wear them to my first bout in the Spring. I suspect they wouldn't be as easily persuaded as the dogs, though. Anyone want to donate a new convertible or a house on Commercial St. in Provincetown or pretty much anywhere in Tuscany?

Photographic evidence

2008-08-04T11:57:00.000-07:00

I told you I really do play roller derby.

Wow, they work fast.

2008-08-03T22:02:00.000-07:00

They updated The BDD website to reflect the new team draft stuff. I should really update my bio.

Hooray!

2008-08-03T00:11:00.000-07:00

I feel really, really good. :D

YAAAAAAAAAY!

2008-08-01T01:04:00.000-07:00

I'm a Nutcracker!

I'm on a team with Xena. I'm so happy it's just insane.

Even better than the above, Steve totally saved my ass from taking a very, very expensive and lengthy cab ride back home from Boston. He is the best husband ever.

Yaaaaay! My summer has absolutely rocked. BEST SUMMER EVER!

Doot doot doot

2008-07-31T12:10:00.000-07:00

Getting teamed tonight. Doot doot doot.

My guess is that I'll either be a Wicked Pissah (in red) or a Nutcracker (in pink), judging by the fact that one of the other team-able skaters is a longtime Cosmonaughtie (who was out for over a year with a torn ALC and returned unteamed). I suspect that they'll either team one of each of the three team-able skaters on each team, or the Pissahs will get two and the Cosmos one because the Nuts have the largest team right now. Then again who knows? The Pissahs might get the above-mentioned former Cosmo because she's an excellent Jammer and they need jammers like whoa.

No matter what, though, it'll work out, because each team has its own strengths and weaknesses. With the league restructuring, it's almost a matter of which uniform I like the best. ;)

Man! I have no idea how this will go! GOD I can't wait until tonight. I can't wait I can't wait I can't wait. Tomorrow I will buy socks in the appropriate colors and get to work on making either a tutu, a red pleated skirt, or something with a rocket on it if my logic is insanely off.

Elbow?

2008-07-30T21:39:00.000-07:00

Last night I landed really hard on my right elbow. Don't worry, it's nothing permanently damaging or life-threatening. However, I have my first crazy elbow bruise. It's kind of neat having a bruise people can actually see. So far all of my really good ones have been too close to my swimsuit area to be very show-offable. I wonder if my whole elbow will go purple, or if it will just stay this lovely reddish-brown.

Oh yeah, I'm totally being teamed tomorrow. Just a reminder. :D

More happy news:

2008-07-30T21:00:00.000-07:00

My first bout will be next spring (you know, because I'm being TEAMED), but I'm skating in New Hampshire Roller Derby's first ever public scrimmage this Saturday, and it would mean the world to me to see you there holding sparkly signs telling the world how much I rule. I'm one of the "Dastardly Dragons" so wear green and black and wear any dragon-related renaissance-faire crap you own. Here is the official info from the NHRD site:

Come and check out NHRD's Double Header! New Hampshire, Boston, Providence, Pioneer Valley, and Albany are coming together for one hell of a showdown!

NHRD presents...A Double Dose of Derby
Saturday, August 2
JFK Coliseum, Manchester, NH
doors at 4, first scrimmage at 5

Tickets: $5 in advance, $7 at the door. Get 'em now at www. nhrollerderby. com.

So happy. You have no idea.

2008-07-28T00:02:00.000-07:00

I'd just like to mention once again that I'm going to be teamed. TEAMED!!! Oh my god.

AAAAAHAHHAHHAAAAAA!!!!!!! I AM TEH AWESOME@!!!!

2008-07-27T23:15:00.000-07:00

I DID IT!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm going to be teamed! I find out on Thursday which one. Oh my god oh my GOD OH MY GOD I DID IT!!!!!!!

So close and yet so far. Wish me luck.

2008-07-27T15:41:00.000-07:00

Tonight is the third-to-last team draft before the unteamed skaters "end skater training". Tonight I'm either going to be teamed (if I'm deemed "bout eligible") or "affiliated"* (if my skating doesn't make the grade, but my attendance, effort, and attitude/coachability are up to par). So on the one hand, it's kind of a win/win, as I'll know which team I'll be on either way (because it's been implied** that I'm ok to be affiliated.) On the other, it's very nerve-wracking because if I don't make the grade this time, I only have two more chances before I'm asked politely to "find another role to play in BDD besides skating". :/ Granted, I can't imagine I'll have a problem being "bout eligible" by December, but still... seeing the ground rushing up is scary, even when you have a few more handholds to grab on your way down...

Being unteamed for a full year has absolutely sucked. The impact it's had on me has been profound in ways that no one could hope to understand without being in my shoes. My perception of myself has been so tied in with being an unteamed skater that I don't know how else to see myself, and part of me is just assuming that this will go on forever. If I can skate well enough tonight to be teamed I'll completely lose my shit, because I genuinely have no clue at all how much of this "not quite good enough"-ness is simply in my head. I have absolutely no idea how far from being teamed I really am. For all I know, I could be on the same level as skaters who I'm simply assuming will be teamed, but then again I could be among the skaters who everyone knows won't make it this time around. I don't know at all and no one can tell me.

The not knowing is killing me, and that's why I'm pants-shittingly nervous right now. Seriously, I can't eat.*** It's that bad. It's not like me to be this much of a wreck, but I am. It's not because I'm worried about having a spotlight trained on me - I can handle that. It's that right now is my first chance to finally get out of this dark, miserable hole I've been in all year, where I've felt like the worst skater, someone who didn't matter, someone who would never be good enough, and someone who didn't fit in at all. I've been so hung up on being an unteamed skater, and I want to be teamed so badly I can't stand it. I just haven't really let myself think about that because being teamed was always so absurdly far away that it was just too painful to think about. Now that it's so close it's really hitting me how awful this has all been. I'm finally admitting to myself that I want to be teamed instead of repeating "it's no big deal, I can wait" over and over like lines from a play.

If I don't make it I'll go back to playing my part, but man, it would be such a relief if I could stop the act. Convincing myself that it doesn't matter takes so much effort. I don't know how much more of it I can take.

I'm just so goddamned tired.

* Meaning that I'll essentially be a benched skater for a specific team who becomes a full, skating member before the next season starts, assuming I can be deemed "bout eligible" before the last-chance-final-cut-thing on December 14th.
** I think it's been directly stated that I'm at least going to be affiliated, but I hate hate HATE counting my chickens before they're hatched, and I have such a "trust no one" policy programmed into me from working at CRLS for so many years....
*** However, I'm forcing things like V8 juice and granola bars down so I don't pass out during the scrimmage, so don't worry.

I lived for this show when I as in elementary school.

2008-07-25T21:33:00.000-07:00

If only someone could have told me then that I'd be playing roller derby now. Sure, I'm grateful that the action is real now and that there are no tie-breaking alligators, but I do miss the wall of death.

Either way I'm glad we wear helmets, though. That was just nuts.

ETA: Oh my god. I must have blocked this out. Could I be hallucinating this CA-RAZY semi-nude man dancing around with the fricking ALLIGATOR?!?!?!?!?

Find more videos like this on RollerFans.com

Robot ape dance party

2008-06-06T13:12:00.000-07:00

I'm going to marry that space ape. My fiancé is the best scary mascot ever.

"Japanese anime roller derby quilt square"

2008-06-06T09:31:00.000-07:00

While procrastinating I discovered the above item for sale on Etsy.com. Fancy that, a quilt square using Manga-esque roller derby illustrations. Too funny.

Yeah BDD. Way to be prominently featured in the Globe today.

2008-06-02T16:00:00.000-07:00

Check out BDD in the Boston Globe. This is an awesome article, and I love love love the photo of Sugar Hits.

Skating the AIDS walk

2008-06-01T12:08:00.000-07:00

Here is my impression of today's AIDS walk:

Skate skate skate skate... "OH CRAP! DIRT!"... t-stop... t-stop... T-STOP... walking on toe stops.... skate... skate... skate... "OH GOD ANOTHER HILL"... plough stop... "OH CRAP MORE DIRT AT THE BOTTOM!!"... frantic plough stop... thigh-burning plough stop.... skate skate skate...

(repeat for six miles)

We had a great time, though. My favorite stretch was the underpass where we got to go down a very steep slope at full speed with two motorcycle cops leading the way.

My voice may be gone, but the quilting goes on!

2008-05-28T11:30:00.000-07:00

I have laryngitis. Boo! This makes it very hard to teach, especially when my final projects happen to be fairly complicated and require a lot of explaining... this makes me sad. It's too bad that my "cries of anguish" are limited to making little fart noises with my mouth. Pthbbbbt on my lack of a voice. PTHBBBBT.

One thing is cheering me up like crazy, though. I've just started getting emails from some Kansas City Roller Warriors who are donating to the quilt. Yay for contributions from afar! I'm beyond excited to get quilty-goodness from skaters I've never met. My fantasy is to have this quilt be filled with squares from skaters and refs from across the country. Hopefully this will become a reality soon.

Thank you viaderby.com

2008-05-23T16:47:00.000-07:00

I just cleaned my bearings for the first time using this demo as a reference. This made MUCH more sense than any of the written ones, even the pamphlet that came with my Bones Speed Cream. Thanks Viaderby!

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I <3 refs.

2008-05-22T20:10:00.001-07:00

Let me just say that every skater should spend time helping the refs and/or reffing themselves every once in a while. Holy crap, what a hard job. A nearby league had its first scrimmage tonight and they were short on refs, so I got to help out. I think I was as nervous as the skaters! I'm sure I totally stumbled my way through it... I know I missed about a million "blocking out of bounds," "forearms," "back blocking," and "elbows" minors and one major that I still can't quite explain or understand. However, I learned SO MUCH tonight that my head is swimming.

After tonight, I don't think I can ever get pissed about a call, no matter how "obvious" I think it is. I don't think I've ever done anything that complicated in my entire life. My hat is so off to you refs out there. How do you keep track of it all?

I had an absolute blast, though. :D